I really need more coffee.
7667 stories
·
17 followers

Alien Press Conference

2 Shares

Comic by War and Peas.
Panel 1: Two green aliens are at a press conference, sitting behind microphones. One alien happily says, "Jesus? We love that guy!"
Panel 2: A human reporter with a microphone looks surprised and says, "We’ve been waiting centuries for his second coming."
Panel 3: The first alien casually responds, "Really? He comes to us every year." The second alien adds, "We invited him for cookies. What did you do?" The reporter starts to sweat.
Panel 4: Both aliens pause, looking inquisitive. One alien asks, "Wait. What did you do?" All reporters sweat.

This comic is made possible with the help of our backers on Patreon. Go to War and Peas to read more comics and find all links.

Read the whole story
MaryEllenCG
5 days ago
reply
Greater Bostonia
Share this story
Delete

Turns Out, It Was Cancer After All

1 Comment and 2 Shares

 

Last year I spent three months waiting to see if I had cancer or not.

The doctors were all pretty sure I had it. And it was going to be the kind that I probably wouldn't survive. Then, they were finally able to complete a test and I woke up from the procedure and ... didn't have cancer. Just totally didn't have it. You can go, the doctor said. We don't need to see you again for ten years.

It took me a week to even process the relief. I'm not sure I still have.

As I noted on Threads, much of yesterday felt a lot like that three months.

I was hoping for a similar outcome.

Hoping I'd wake up and all would be well.


But...


Well, now we know who's who.

Now we know who our real friends and allies are. And who isn't.

I was going to ask: So, what was it this time?

What's the excuse this time?

Was it the price of eggs?

Cost of gas at the pump?

Wait, wait, she didn't have any ground game in swing states wah wah wah? Hated her laugh?

No, it's Gaza? Yeah, it's Gaza isn't it?

What's the excuse this time? 

But, you know what? It turns out I honestly don't care. I mean, when it's terminal cancer, do you really care how you caught it?

I don't care what the excuse is this time around and ultimately, it doesn't matter anyway. Every single thing lefties claim they care about? In the end, none of it mattered enough.

And now, we've lost it all.


Donald Trump will decide our fate.


What? What's that? 

Oh, we'll fight  will we? It's not over! We...

Yeah, save it. 

Just fucking save it, I'm not interested. The cancer is too far along. 

You personally? Sure, you might have cared enough, but it turns out a lot of those we thought were on our side, those we thought would stand up for their own rights, just ... didn't. Not only didn't, but they appear to have thrown their lot in with Trump and are willing to let Elon Musk, Laura Loomer, RFK Jr, and the local Preacher Man run their lives. A lot of those women I saw in line yesterday? Apparently they did vote away their own rights. 

No, no, I'm not blaming women. I blame Americans, all of us. That's who I blame. 

I'm saying everyone knew what the stakes were, there was a record turnout and somehow 20 million less Americans voted this time and so we decided to reelect a twice impeached serial rapist currently out on bail for more than twenty felony convictions. 

Why? I don't know. The reason doesn't much matter now anyway, does it?

You again? What now?  Trump is going to what now? 

LOL. No. Trump isn't going to jail. You can forget that pipe dream. Those who prosecuted Trump? Odds are, they'll be the ones going to prison.

Merrick Garland? You tell me he had to go slow, etc. Well, he went slow and I'm not a lawyer but I goddamn well know politics and I fucking told you so for whatever that's worth. Merrick Garland might have been right, but he still failed us worse and just as deliberately than any Benedict Arnold. Slow. Fuck me. 

Oh, and all those MAGA insurrectionists Garland did lock up? 

They're free on Jan 20, 2025. With a full pardon. Because if we didn't lock up the guy who led the insurrection, well, then nothing else matters and everything Garland actually accomplished is totally moot, erased, never happened, the guy might as well have never existed. He's a nebbish, history won't even remember his name. 

And again, I did tell you so.

I told you so, but I was just pissing into the wind. 


You already knew. 


You knew. 

I have to laugh at those this morning saying "well, at least we passed abortion protection in..." Oh stop. That's the one legitimately funny bit today. Oh, you passed abortion protection and you're gonna put it in your state Constitution? Hardee har har. Yeah. Trump and these pinched faced religious nuts are going to enact a national abortion ban, yes they are, and whatever your silly little state constitution says means exactly fuck all. What are you gonna do? Appeal it to the Supreme Court? LOL. But hey, take what joy you can this morning, I guess. Laugh it up. You might not get a lot of chances for humor in the future.

We're going to see measles, polio, mumps, and the flu ravage our population again. Preventable diseases that were conquered decades ago are going to kill, blind, sterilize, and main our kids again. Me? I'm getting old, I probably won't survive whatever mismanaged pandemic comes next, unless horse dewormer up your ass actually does work this time.

They're going to drill and mine our national parks and frack our water.

They're going to tear down the wind turbines and solar panels and cook the planet.

They're going to turn the military loose on us and damn posse comitatus. The law and Constitution only matter when you elect people who respect it.

They're going to ban same sex marriage and lock up LGBTQ people as insane, just like the Germans did back in the 1930s, or worse.

They'll round and deport 20 million people and it's going to leave such a massive hole in our economy that we might never recover, but Elon says you'll be fine after a couple of years of hardship. My dear old mom used to say: you can get used to hanging if you hang long enough. We're about to find out just how true that is.

Healthcare? Social Security? Gone. Hope you got plenty of savings to support you in your old age. What's that? Oh. Well, maybe you can sell a kidney then.

They're going to impose tariffs, give tax breaks to billionaires, give Trump direct control of the Fed, and Elon control of everything else, and utterly destroy the economy. The billionaires won't suffer, but you damn sure are going to.

They're going to put guns in every school right next to mandatory Jesus.

However bad you think it's going to be, it'll be worse.


But, you knew that.


Oh sure, eventually, a decade or so down the road, after the recession and the wars and the riots and the violence, just like those who voted for the Third Reich, those who voted for Trump are gonna get screwed by the very rapist they helped elect.

And, you know, I just don't care about that either.

Sure, they'll have it coming, but if I'm still around to witness their comeuppance (an unlikely event to be sure, but maybe I'll get lucky. If you can call living in that world luck) I'll feel neither joy at their misery nor sympathy for their suffering. Fuck 'em.

See, we're all going to get screwed right alongside them, the undeserving and the guilty alike, The Good and the bad Germans both.

Not just us, but all our friends too.

The war in Ukraine is over, Putin won last night. NATO and Europe are next.

The war in Gaza isn't over and won't be for a while, but the outcome is inevitable now. But hey, at least you have your principles, right?

Taiwan? South Korea? Oh well. So sorry. Sucks to be you.

If it's any consolation, it's gonna suck to be us too.


But again, you knew this.

I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know.

We all knew, but for a lot of lefties yesterday, well... here we are.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. You're mad at me now for saying so.

Be mad. It'll keep you warm when the power goes out.

I wish you were mad enough yesterday to show up.

And so here we are.

Trump isn't just going to be president again. He's going to be quite literally a dictator because there is absolutely nothing to hold him back this time. We handed him the White House, the Court, the Legislature, and total immunity. It's not just this latest election, it's all the ones that came before too.

You need to face what that means.

He's going to take revenge on us. He's going to do what he said he would do. He's going to destroy everything you love. You knew that, and it wasn't enough. You're going to have to face it.

Trump is going to burn down the world and maybe that's what it'll finally take.

That's what the far left progressives shouted at me back in 2016: burn it all down. Burn it all down.

Burn it all down. Burning it all down isn't the moral high ground, it's just arson and people die in a fire, but again here we are and careful what you wish for. Because now it is all going to burn and I hope those who started this fire get everything they've got coming to them. And who knows, maybe they're right. Maybe when we're squatting in the ruins, covered ash, maybe then it'll be enough to get you to show the fuck up. Or not.

What should you do? What should any of us do?

I don't know.

I don't know. I'm out of ideas.

I'm old. I'm tired. I'm worn out from this fight. More, I'm worn out from sounding the alarm and watching it fall on deaf ears.

What to do?

Flee maybe. Get out while you can, if there's some place that'll take people who didn't give enough of a fuck about their own fate to change it when they had the chance. Hopefully Europe won't turn away desperate Americans fleeing fascism like we did to the Jews fleeing Germany back in the 1930's. But, hey, if they do, well, you can't really blame them can you?

But, again, again, and again, you knew all this.

Yes, you did. And now? Grim? Depressing? Panic attack? You knew it would come to this if you didn't show up. And it wasn't enough. Why? Why wasn't it enough? What's the excuse this time? Like I said above, I don't know and I don't care, but I'm sure we're going to hear all about it anyway and why those of us who actually did care, who sounded the alarm claxon over and over, and who actually did show up are somehow to blame.

See you in the camps.

I'll be the guy drinking prison wine with Hillary.

Read the whole story
MaryEllenCG
44 days ago
reply
Greater Bostonia
Share this story
Delete
1 public comment
DGA51
44 days ago
reply
I'm old. I'm tired. I'm worn out from this fight. More, I'm worn out from sounding the alarm and watching it fall on deaf ears.
Central Pennsyltucky

Born Rich

1 Share

4-panel comic by War and Peas.
Panel 1: A baby in the womb prays, "Please let my parents be rich."
Panel 2: A doctor holds the baby after birth, and the baby says, "Show them to me."
Panel 3: The doctor presents the baby’s new family, revealing the Trump family.
Panel 4: The baby is shocked and says, "Put me back in."

This comic is made possible with the help of our backers on Patreon. Go to War and Peas to read more comics and find all links.

Read the whole story
MaryEllenCG
47 days ago
reply
Greater Bostonia
Share this story
Delete

Let’s Go

1 Share

5-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: The Grim Reaper is sitting at a dinner table with a woman. He says, "Well, yes, the job has some perks." Panel 2: The woman leans forward and asks, "So, if I had - say - an evil ex… you could take care of him?" Panel 3: The Grim Reaper chuckles and replies, "Haha, it doesn't work that way. I can't just—" Panel4: The woman interjects, "He was mean to my dog." Panel 5: The Grim Reaper rises from the table, holding his scythe, and says, "Let's go."

This comic is made possible with the help of our backers on Patreon. Go to War and Peas to read more comics and find all links.

Read the whole story
MaryEllenCG
59 days ago
reply
Greater Bostonia
Share this story
Delete

Solar Protons

6 Shares
If any of you want to meet some cool local oxygen atoms, I can introduce you!
Read the whole story
MaryEllenCG
68 days ago
reply
Greater Bostonia
Share this story
Delete

Númenor Margaritaville

1 Comment and 4 Shares
I see white shores, and beyond it, a far green country under a tequila sunrise.
Read the whole story
MaryEllenCG
72 days ago
reply
Greater Bostonia
Share this story
Delete
1 public comment
cjheinz
77 days ago
reply
LOL! LOL! LOL!
I'm sure the most LOLs I have ever had for this strip! Kudos!
Lexington, KY; Naples, FL
kyb
77 days ago
I strongly get the sense that he started with the last line and built the strip around it.
Next Page of Stories